Tackling Perfectionism

6 Strategies for Tackling Perfectionism

1. Lead by example
Perfectionism can run in families, so be sure to model the right behavior when things go wrong. For example, let’s say that you’re taking your daughter to a friend’s house that you’ve never been to before. After taking a wrong turn, you end up in a line of traffic that seems to go on for miles. Instead of saying, “This is ridiculous. Look at this traffic! We’ll never get there in time!” say “That’s okay, we’re in some traffic and may get there a few minutes late, but I’m sure many others are just getting there too.”

2. De-emphasize grades and competition
Instead of remarking, "That's awesome you got an A", say, "The amount of effort you put in was just enough to do well." Let your child know that you love him or her unconditionally, regardless of grades or academic achievement.

3. Make a schedule and time limit for HW completion
Oddly enough, many perfectionists are also procrastinators. Why? Because they fear failure and put off starting until they are “in the right frame of mind.” Help your child tackle the feeling of being overwhelmed. Agree upon a time to get started and most importantly, an end time. Let her know when the time is approaching and when it does, put away the books. She’s done for the night.

4. Respond to worst case scenario thinking
Perfectionists are color blind – they see outcomes in black and white. They perceive success as complete perfection or total failure. Help your child to think about other outcomes. Ask “What would happen if your teacher didn’t agree with one of the points in your essay?” Open the dialogue to head off worst case scenario thinking.

5. Do not over schedule
In a recent study, 85% of high school students said they feel over scheduled. Feeling overwhelmed can spiral perfectionism out of control. Many kids have perfectionist tendencies, but can cope with their often unrealistic expectations; however, others just need a few events to trigger even greater anxiety. Having too much on a person’s plate can instigate these feelings. Prioritize what your daughter really has to do. Can you nix piano lessons or that after-school club she just joined? If so, do it.

6. Lastly, unchecked perfectionism can be the tip of an iceberg.
If you are worried that your child is taking his or her quest for exactness too far, contact me for a list of local mental health professionals who work specifically in this area. I can be reached at ann@ectutoring.com.